I spoke with my sister on the phone last night for nearly an hour, which is a rare occurence. Part of me is wishing we hadn't spoken because the conversation was pretty depressing. It turns out that my youngest brother, who is 17, had a seizure on Saturday. He's diabetic and his blood sugar dropped too low. Although he's ok, there is now the fallout to deal with... my mom is stressed to the limit because she's scared of this happening to him when no one is around to help him. She is getting up several times every night to monitor his sugars, so she's not getting any solid sleep. Rob is mad because he is now not able to drive for a month. Pretty tough when you've only had your license for a little while, had that taste of independence, and then it's taken away.

As for me, I can't decide if it's better or worse that I'm 1500 miles away from all of this. Part of me feels so powerless because I want to be there for my mom. The other part of me feels glad to be far away because I don't want to deal with the emotional weight of what's going on.

Overall, though, I'm just scared for my brother. I'm scared that one day something truly bad will happen from which there will be no quick recovery. This is my baby and I want only good things for him. It hurts that he has to deal with something this serious every single day.

I have never been one to keep a journal. I guess it always seemed pointless to me since no one was ever going to read it anyway. Why am I writing all this stuff down like it's breaking news, when I already know it happened? I do however enjoy buying journals... there are so many cute ones you can get. Invariably I write in it a couple times, maybe for a week at best, but then I get bored.

All this to say that this blog is my renewed attempt at journalling and I'm hoping that the fact that others may be reading it will keep me motivated.

Right now I'm off to choir practice... should be fun.